Photo credit: master1305
We spend most of our time at work, so eventually, people will dip their pens into the company ink. I mean you’re always together, having open and vulnerable conversations in the perfectly dimmed office lighting, so you are bound to start feeling something for your boss. Most companies have rules against workplace relationships, and it is often considered taboo to date your boss because it can get messy and awkward if things don’t work out. But if you are sensible, strategic, and smart it could work in your favor. So what are the rules for dating your female boss?
Find out if it’s allowed
First, review your company policies on dating and relationships. This will help you determine whether you can even start something in the first place.
Know the potential risks
Relationship issues can cross over to the workplace and cause conflicts of interest that could affect your job security or career. Other than that, there is also the issue of women not being taken very seriously in the workplace as leaders. So people may undermine her authority if she starts dating a subordinate and this is something she could be highly conscious of.
Determine if your feelings are serious
Before asking her out, make sure you are not just looking for something physical or casual. It is better to wait until you are positive that you want something serious and are interested in her as a person, not what she can do for your career.
Ask her out
Now comes the hard part, initiating contact. Make sure you pick an appropriate time and location to have the conversation and pop the question. Well, not THE question. Go into the conversation with an open and accepting mind. If she refuses your advances, back off completely and respectfully. Consider the case closed unless she brings up the matter again and expresses her interest clearly.
Obviously, you should not date your boss if she is married, or if you are (some people will look for any loophole). That is even messier and can cause enough office drama to ruin your personal brand and career.
Get a new supervisor
If you both decide to proceed with a relationship, it is usually advisable to immediately transfer your direct reports to a new supervisor to avoid any future conflicts of interest, which seems to be the overall theme here. It might be harder for your boss to remain impartial with you eventually and people in the office will start thinking you are being favored if your career starts going well.
Make the relationship known
You have to disclose the relationship to your colleagues, manager and possibly HR depending on your company’s policies. This may feel like getting ahead of yourself, especially if things are still fresh. However, it makes things less awkward and increases the chances of people being positive about your relationship. Keep your explanation open yet simple.
Set some rules
Establish boundaries for the relationship with your boss like keeping things professional and avoiding public displays of affection when you are at work. I know, I know, it may feel like you are dampening the flame, especially since forbidden love can be even more enticing. However, it will help to make things less uncomfortable for your colleagues and easier for both of you.
In case things don’t work out...
Lastly, we have the possibility of a break-up. Not all relationships work out, so prepare for any outcome and talk about this with your boss. Again, you may need to disclose the breakup to your colleagues and other relevant parties. Keep things civil, as awkward and painful as it may be to work alongside your ex. If necessary, you may need to transfer to another department or worst-case scenario, leave the job. Just make sure there is as little drama as possible.
Long story short, take the right precautions and steps while letting the relationship develop naturally. It may or may not work out, but it also could be the best thing to happen to you.