George and Kate were long-time friends who started dating and eventually started a company together about 5 years ago. In the beginning, everything was about the business and they were working to keep it successful every day. As a result, they started ignoring the relationship while simultaneously working themselves to the bone at their company. So when the business started thriving, Kate felt it was time to start working on their relationship.
The problem is Kate and George did not lay down ground rules to separate their roles in their professional and personal relationship, so the business ended up defining them as a couple.
However, as we all know starting a business has its challenges and in their case, there was no exception. The business problems bled over into their personal relationship leading to frequent arguments that also damaged their personal connection. Thus, George and Kate did not know when to be there for each other personally or call time out when necessary.
Unfortunately, Kate reached a point where she felt she did not love George anymore and wanted to end their 3-year relationship. However, she hoped that George would stay in the company to cement its continued success as she was only willing to be friends with him and nothing more. And I bet we all know how much it stings hearing, “Let’s just be friends,” when you expect something else.
George obviously wanted to leave soon after, but he felt an obligation to see things through in the business. The outcome did not look good and they did not want the business to become collateral damage due to their personal differences, so they decided to go for counselling. This actually helped them get back on good terms as business partners.
As you can see from George and Kate’s situation, working with your spouse can have both positive and negative sides. On one hand, you get to share every aspect of your life, see each other frequently and support each other’s goals on all fronts Then again, when you don’t define the boundaries between your personal and professional relationships, it can damage both areas.
So what else should you expect when working with your spouse?
Pros
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Having similar schedules - If you’re working with your spouse chances are you’ll have the same schedule. This could include sharing a lunch break, vacation days, and even commuting times, which allows you to bond and schedule getaways together.
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Celebrating successes together - Most couples are happier when they celebrate the good things together. When you work together, any success at work is success for both of you. If your partner lands a huge sale or gets a promotion, it feels as though you are also winning.
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Spending quality time together - When you work with your spouse and share a similar lifestyle and schedule, it makes things practical because you get to spend more time together and learn more about each other daily. This certainly beats only seeing each other when one of you is going to bed while the other is leaving for a night shift.
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Sharing goals as a couple - Sharing career goals as a couple allows you to work towards them together and support each other in the process. Thus, you’ll understand if your partner needs to work late on the business because you’re both working towards the same thing.
Cons
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No space - Some couples cannot hack working and seeing each other daily. All this time spent together can make you feel like you don’t have any time and space for yourself. A bit of personal space in the relationship can help couples feel satisfied and create a sense of mystery between each other due to the different daily schedules.
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The possibility of financial risk - When you both work in different jobs there is some level of job security. So in case one of you is laid off, the other partner can still provide financial support for the family. However, when you are working with your spouse in the same job or sharing a business, there can be a financial risk if things go south at work. This can even put financial stress on your relationship.
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Bringing work problems home - When work or business is good, both of you will be happy and excited, but if it’s overwhelming, stressful, or bad, you’ll bring that energy home. This can make you bring unnecessary stress into the relationship causing both of you to lash out at each other. It can be even worse if there was an unpleasant interaction between the two of you at work.
Depending on how you look at the situation, working together could be the best or worst thing for your relationship. How you handle things can determine whether it will be a means to the relationship’s end or a way to strengthen your bond. Before working with your spouse, it is important to establish some ground rules to guide your behaviours and expectations of each other during the whole process.
Here are five tips to take to the office and bring back home when you’re working with your spouse.
Separation of work and home matters
Your personal and work relationships are different so the dynamics will also vary. You will have to leave your work hat in the office when going home, so whatever happens at work should not spill over at home and vice versa. If your partner leaves their dirty socks on the floor or forgot to do the dishes last night, this should not affect what happens at work.
It may be difficult to do this at first, but with a little time and practice, you’ll be able to separate home and work matters.
Respect each other
It will be easier to separate your home and work issues if you maintain respect for one another. Always respect your partner whether at home or in the office even if one of you is the boss and the other one is a subordinate. Treating your partner with kindness, honour, and courtesy at work and at home makes it easier to get along throughout.
Find ways to preserve your individuality
When you’ve been working with your spouse for a while, it can be hard to maintain your sense of individuality and identity. Find different ways to get some alone time or space so you can maintain your individuality. This could be through separate work commutes, drinks with friends, or a solo workout routine before or after work.
Having separate workspaces, especially if you work from home, helps to maintain your individuality so you don’t get on each other’s nerves. You can also work remotely from other locations like a library or a co-working space.
Avoid favouritism
You may be tempted to give your partner preferential treatment at work to gain some extra points on the home front. This will obviously generate tension between everyone else at work. Treat your spouse like all your other colleagues at work without going to extremes like ignoring them or giving them preferential treatment.
Don’t neglect the relationship
No matter what goes on in the business or at work, the relationship takes first priority. If you try everything and still find it hard to work with your spouse, then you must find a way to protect the relationship. This could mean one of you finding another job, stepping out of the business, or finding another workspace (see point 1). Find a solution that protects the business while preserving the relationship.
Balancing your relationship and work life is already challenging and even harder when your partner is in the equation. Discuss the limitations, goals, advantages, and priorities of this arrangement before going into it so you know what to expect and make a conscious choice.
You should only work or go into business with your partner if you both want to do it and it aligns with your plans. If you need help navigating a personal and business relationship with your spouse, you can get a counsellor, business consultant, or mentor to provide guidance - just like Kate and George.