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Blushing. Nervousness. Stammering. Fidgeting. Some people are not able to hide the fact that they have a crush. But how can you be sure that your colleague is crushing on you? Asking your colleague is not a good option. Here’s why you don’t want to ask your colleague if they have a crush on you:
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If your colleague is just being friendly and social then directly asking them if they have a crush on you might create some awkwardness, embarrassment, and shame between the two of you.
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If your colleague is crushing on you, they might feel embarrassed and decide to reduce contact and communication with you, which will affect the quality of work in the office. Alternatively, asking them about it directly might give them the idea that the feeling is mutual or that you are open to acting on this fantasy.
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If your colleague feels offended by your question, they might even report you to the human resource department for harassment.
The best option is to look out for the signs that your colleague is crushing on you then manage it, professionally. Let's find out!
Your colleague is talking and spending time with you more than the rest of the staff
If you are a new employee, it could be that your colleague is being polite and doesn’t want to make you feel left out at work. However, if your talks gravitate towards personal or non-work-related topics, then this is a sign. Your colleague might be getting to know you and making up excuses to spend time with you during work hours.
Your colleague is touchy
Accidentally touching or bumping into someone at the workplace is normal. However, if you notice that your colleague is being extra touchy and physical when they are around you, this might be a sign that they are crushing on you. Gentle arm strokes and sitting close to you during lunch or work meetings are the first clues. The physical touch could go as far as touching your jewelry or hair while complimenting you. This is a very clear sign and it will come off as flirty. When we are attracted to someone, we subconsciously gravitate to them, so your colleague might not even notice that they are getting touchy or too close to you.
Your colleague remembers and notices everything about you
You know when you do awkward things around the office and look up fast to see if anyone saw you? Well, this colleague will. They will be watching you like a hawk during work hours. Since they are crushing on you, they will want to know what about you is attracting them. They will pay attention to every detail. All your stories. Mannerisms. Your personal life. And they will remember every detail.
Your colleague tries to figure out your relationship status
If your colleague is crushing on you, they will ask you about your relationship status. You will notice that they follow you on most social media platforms or ask you about who you spent your holidays and weekends with. Some may even go as far as asking you about your relationship with someone they constantly see on your social media page.
Your colleague asks you out
When I say “ask you out” I don't mean a team-building exercise or group hangout. Your colleague will want to hang out with you privately. It could be over dinner, an interesting sport, or a club. Your colleague is trying to create the right opportunity to tell you about their fantasies and feelings. Maybe your colleague didn’t use the word date when asking you out. But you will know that it is a date when you get to the location and watch how their demeanor changes when around you. They will probably want to get to know more about you during this time.
Now that it’s safe to say your colleague is crushing on you, what next? Proceed with caution. The first step is to realize that it’s normal for someone to have a crush at work. Furthermore, keep in mind that how you react to this situation will affect both your personal and work life. Here are some things you should think about before you react:
What are the risks?
Before you react, answer these questions:
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What if you start a relationship and it doesn’t work out?
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What are your company policies on workplace relationships?
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Will you be able to separate work-related issues from your relationship issues?
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Will you be able to put your work team’s interests first or your lover’s interests at work?
There is a huge chance that your professionalism and trust will be questioned by your colleagues. Ask yourself - Are you ready to risk it all?
What are your company policies?
Some companies don’t support workplace romance and some require you to disclose and go through investigations before the relationship begins. If you decide to ignore these rules, you will be going against company policies, which will lead to serious career consequences. You should also re-read these policies for any updates. For example, the workplace relationship policies at Google and Facebook changed after the #MeToo campaigns, and now you can only ask a colleague out once. If the colleague says “No” then you cannot ask them out again as it will translate to harassment.
How do you manage it?
1. Keep it professional
Now that you are sure your colleague is crushing on you, you could have a talk with them about how to handle the situation. If you are not open to having any form of relations with your colleague, this is the right time to make it clear. Don’t be rude and don’t embarrass your colleague. Maintain a professional attitude and help them understand the personal, emotional, mental, and career risks of acting on the crush.
2. Don’t be secretive
If you decide to have a full-on relationship with your co-worker, you should stick to your company's policies, especially if they require you to disclose. Keeping the relationship under wraps will only make your team and fellow co-workers question your credibility, trust, and leadership. Letting everyone know is like ripping the bandage. It feels weird in the beginning but relieving in the end. Furthermore, try to maintain a successful work-love balance that doesn’t affect the quality of your work and your future.
3. Don’t be hard on or favor your colleague
Now that you know that your colleague is crushing on you, don’t let this affect work. You might feel flattered that someone has a crush on you and decide to favor them in the office or be tougher on them. This is not a good move! Maintain respect and professionalism when dealing with them and let them understand that you expect the same from them. For example, if you make a mistake and your colleague is crushing on you, they might not reprimand you as much as your colleagues. This might feel good in the beginning, but it will get the attention of the rest of your colleagues. Your colleagues may use this to belittle you or may lose their respect for you in the workplace, which will greatly affect your career and motivation for going to work.
Conclusion
Work is a good place to socialize and meet new people. Since you spend so much time at work, it’s normal to feel attached to some of them. I hope these signs will help you know how to approach your colleague, especially if you don’t share the same romantic feelings. Don’t string them along or confuse them. Help them know that whatever they feel is normal but not mutual. Additionally, you might want to differentiate between a crush and an infatuation. Infatuation, unlike crushing, is an intensely passionate feeling or admiration for someone. So, is your colleague crushing on or infatuated with you? This will help you know how to handle the situation professionally.